Help! I think I'm Blogging...
Why now? What makes a single mid 50s woman with grown up kids who've flown the coop, in between contracts and suddenly finding herself living in the loft of a kind and very generous friend, want to start writing a blog? Perhaps it's one of those questions without an answer....
For the first time in 35 years, I find myself with few responsiblities except for feeding my cat and time to really think about and care for myself. Who I am, where I'm going, how I can contribute, what I want to leave behind. It's absolutely mnd-boggling (not to mention very scary, if also exciting). Always interested in so many things, people, places, ideas (curiosity having gotten that cat many times) that I've been through many iterations, constantly reinventing myself on the way to today. And I'm sure there will be many more before I find the true purpose I got here with but lost to experience.
Feels like I've probably worked in every job imaginable to keep food on my one parent family's table. I raised two awesome kids, got a decent university education in my 40s, used some of it to teach, to work, published a few books, travelled, filled out my bucket list - all on the way to becoming who I have always been but could rarely express in the daily tumult that is life.
Like downsizing the home I've just moved out of and all the stuff I'd accumulated, (a shroud has no pockets they say!), I find I'm paring myself down too. Though I have always watched my own mind and questioned my motivations even while having to go to the highest bidder to get the bills paid, I sometimes compromised who I was, often what I wanted, or stood for for the sake of expediency or out of exhaustion. Profound self examination, choices and even morality can be a luxury when you're in survival mode.
Despite all that, I have mostly managed to consciously recognise and move my ego out of my own way over the last 10 years and try always to act with love, yes even with those who probably don't deserve it. and live in faith that tomorrow will be better, And I continue the process of stripping myself bare. Looking honestly, even brutally at my own shortcomings, my successes, my failures, my hurts and my growth. Its painfully raw, I'll admit, but worth it, because I come to forgiveness and back to a more meaningful gentleness. Turns out, the truth, no matter how brutal, really does set you free. :)
While most people will think of these as weaknesses, what I've accepted is that in my soul, I am a nurturer, a protector, a pacifist, and paradoxically, a fiercely loyal warrior, albeit a quiet one. And I care profoundly and passionately about my fellow humans,with all their foibles, in all their weaknesses, their resilience, their fragility and their magesty.
Colour, creed, nationality, gender, age, sexuality, differences or similarities don't even come into it . Because, when I take a step back and really look at humanity as a whole, love for our fellow humans, our earth and everything that lives on it, is really all that has ever mattered.
Some of the important things I've come across in my travels you will find on the STUFF THAT MATTERS page, from food to health, technology to travel. Have a go, you never know where it may lead! And if you're feeling like you need to do something, anything, even donating a pair of socks or the contents of your penny jar, to help nurture those in need, please click DONATE. Or, if you're really, really wanting to lend a hand, whether in your own community, schools, or volunteering abroad, head over to the GET INVOLVED page. The universe will thank you!
So, to answer the question... this blog is just another small step on the way to accepting the human that I am, and though still going at it blindly as we all are, figuring it out, and then fulfilling the mission I chose and/or was given long before I got here. Maybe we can keep each other company on the way.
I'd love that.
Step 1: Learn to live, think, act with love, and keep faith. Step 2: Do what I can for our world as it stands. Step 3: Who knows? Suggestions welcome.